Okay, I admit- the Mortal Kombat fanfic review I did for Pharmer Miller last time was pushing the limits of what you, my dear, enraptured audience, are willing to endure. So I’m not gonna do a Part 2. Nope. I’m gonna stop beating around the bush- Pharmer Miller’s OC came through with the best locally-grown flowers I’ve personally seen in the DC recreational scene. Every strain they very generously donated to my little blog were freshly cured, superbly manicured little pieces of organic art. Oh, and how they sparkle, Clarence! I’ve been ogling them forever on Instagram and now they’re all mine! Oh, for squeee!
Here’s what you can expect from the Collective’s deep roster, in no particular order:
Jack No 1
This Jack Herer, thick with the sharp scent of pine, is a go-to when you gotta get it done. This wonderful hybrid evens out my mood with an energetic, focused boost. It’s like cannabis coffee. In fact, some Jack Herer coffee sounds amazeballs. That’s probably because Bear Grylls is always making tea out of pine needles whenever he’s roaming untamed forests and going on about how good it washes down the bug guts and lizard brains he’s gotta eat. Similarly, when I had some serious stuff to get done, a project I had been putting off forever that required all of my focus to complete correctly and efficiently so I could finally, finally be done with it and get back to writing, there was no question I was reachin’ for the Jack.
Curious George No 4 & Curious George No 5
No monkey business here, this pair of strains from Pollen Nation Genetics were both heavy-hitters, strongly euphoric, and smelled of rich spices. Number 4 had the heaviest trichome production of all the strains and was the apple of our favorite Pharmer’s eye. The potency of this indica makes it an excellent choice for pain management and late evening relaxation, but don’t count on making it through a season of your latest Netflix obsession (mine is American Horror Story, by the way. I know I’m late but daaaaaaaamn Season 1 was enthralling. Admittedly, the redheaded seductress was, ahem, quite the draw and earned at least five of the ‘a’s in that damn herself). It doesn’t make you tired immediately but the happy, heady rush subsides inevitably into fatigue after an hour or so. Number 5 helped me sleep, too, but leaned ever so slightly more towards sativa, which makes it a better choice for socializing, creative endeavors, or letting your thoughts roam while you Ohm.
The Mom Gooey is a deliciously floral daytime indica, similar to the Burmese Berry I smoked with Scorpion, but this strain provides a more balanced mood than the uplifting Burmese. A single bowl was not enough to weather the worst of my anxiety, but it’s been rough here at GTHQ. Winter Has Come just like those snarky Starks said it would. No worries (haw!), a second invariably sufficed to create the psychic Wall I require of my medicine. This strain is firmly in the daytime category after I had to tragically give up on a few naps that just weren’t gonna work out, but it won’t keep you up at night. I think you’ll have more fun interacting with video games or reading your favorite blog (awww, you guyyyys) than binge-watching with Momma G.
David Tennant’s boyish charm aside, I don’t like the long-running British scifi series this strain is named after. I know it’s got a lot of fans, and I’ve got a theory as to why a show about a be-scarfed pacifist arguing with trash cans in space or whatever is so popular, but I’d rather talk about this weed, which I simply adore. Leafly says it’s a cross of Mad Scientist and Timewreck. I’ve had the latter in Denver and it was a mixed bag for me- very paranoid when I smoked alone, but had the best time catching up with an old friend. No such misgivings about the good Doctor. This strain whisks you away in a spirited sativa mind rush. Concentrating on my writing was easy; knowing when to stop was harder. This hybrid is relaxed enough that you can hunker into your recliner for the weekend and stream television until your Delta waves are smooth & steady and your programming really kicks in. Ha! See what I did there? It was a pun about media programming your unconscious mind by defining normality for you instead of personal experience and…oh, you got it. Ok. Coolio, bro.
Oh, snap, am I done? I am! That means it’s time for the best part of the review- when I get to smoke the rest of the weed. Sweet! The Gentleman is greatly appreciative of these flowers courtesy of our good friends at Pharmer Miller’s Organic Collective. They also make dynamite, strain-specific edibles and a topical/skin cream that does wonders. If you have yet to experience the awesomeness of PMOC for yourself, you’re missing out. You’re like the kid who brings his pet rock to Show & Tell. Get with the program already, dweeb.
Speaking of! A good friend of mine put me on to the Days Gone By album from Bob Moses recently. I traded her for Hiatus’ Parklands. Both are synthy alt/pop/EDM hybrids, but I admit, it’s been 90% Bob Moses to 10% Hiatus since i started listening. The songs are smooth, haunting ballads of love gone bad that are just perfection for winter (mine, anyway, but I’m a Grinch). Here, you give a listen: