I’m not really, um, good at Christmas.
The holidays were rough at my house growing up, or motel room, or wherever we happened to reside at the time, when presents for the kids cut into dad’s liquor money. Consequently, I have also not been my best self around the holidays, which compounds the fuckery. On a day when I so desperately need to sit around quietly smoking pot in peace, I’m forced to spend it unmedicated hoping small talk doesn’t open up old wounds among those to whom I’m karmically bound. And, oh shit, when I had to do this with my in-laws for days on end? Oh my gaaaaaaawd. I recognize this is kind of a fucked up way to look at the obligatory ninety minutes I spend with my family a few times each year, and like so many other things in 2016, find that I’ve grown tired of it.
It’s time for a Christmas Reset.
We’re gonna start with gratitude. That’s why I want to thank you, my fellow Tokers. The response to my blog has been overwhelmingly positive (don’t forget to follow me on Instagram, too). A lot of folks stop in just for some help navigating the unregulated recreational cannabis market, and I’m happy to help folks find their medicine. Speaking of, make sure you check out my updated How to Find Weed in DC page, it links to a lot of my favorite vendors now. But some of you have stuck around even when I thought it’d be fun to write about elves, snake-men from Saturn, and Mortal Kombat. Oh, my stars and garters. From the bottom of my ink-black, kraken-gripped heart, thank you guys so much for reading. I hope you’re having a good time. And you should probably call your mother more often. Yes, she paid me to say that. She wouldn’t have to offer strange bloggers $20 by Venmo if you’d pick your phone up every once in a while! Just sayin.
The support I’ve received from the DC cannabis community has been incredible. So many folks have kindly donated fire meds for me to review. I have been truly astounded by the generosity of Real Deal Farmz, Phone Homie, Paperboy Paper Company, and so many others. Thank you guys all so very much. It has been my sincere pleasure to write about your superb dank.
Ok, ok, is it bragging time yet? It is! Let’s.
In 2016, I kicked all the ass. All the pieces in me that I thought were broken turned out to be a puzzle I hadn’t figured out until now. I’ve stood up to fight for the future I want to see for cannabis policy reform, a future where cannabis is more accepted as medicine and treated as such by our government and our culture. I’ve got to protest & party along with Adam Eidinger, Nikolas Schiller, and the rest of DCMJ. I was honored to give a speech at the Greenlight Festival. I’ve argued with the District’s medical marijuana dispensaries and cultivators for better products and better pricing. We’re not nearly to the goal I want to see (ounces of flower capped at $300 max for medical patients, quality concentrate at $60/gram), but in six months of rants, Alternative Solutions started selling bud rosin instead of trim, Abatin Wellness came out with vape pens superior to the useless ones from Holistic Remedies, and even Metropolitan Wellness Center, to whom I have floated a raft of shit for selling flowers at $700 an ounce, has reduced their pricing an eensy-weensy little bit. High-five!
I was published on DOPE magazine online. I was quoted by DMV-bred real journalist Chloe Sommers on Leafly and The Marijuana Times, which was picked up and reposted by a bunch of other sites. You know if you Google “Joe Tierney cannabis” I come right up? I’ve always wanted to be in a search engine. I got to talk for a few minutes on The Slab Hour and sat on a panel for Blunted Radio. I exhibited at the B.U.D. Summit. And sometimes when I go to a cannabis event, people will say “Oh, hey, you’re the review guy, the Dandy Smoker or something.” Yeah, baby, whatever! Speaking of, I’ve nearly shed enough of my post-separation radioactivity to begin dating again. I checked out my Google Analytics the other day and there’s a lot of women that check out this site. So, hey. Sup. Wanna get a drink and talk about who would win in a fight between zombies and unicorns? Or whatever.
I’ve interviewed Joey Lewis, the master grower at Alternative Solutions. I chatted with DMV native extraction artists District Greenhaus. I had beers with Paul from DC Seed Exchange, a tense cup of coffee with Mike from MWC, and hung out at Starbucks with one of the gorgeous elves from DC Baked Baker. The guys from Funky Piece welcomed me over to their new shop and I blazed blunts with our cannabis community’s favorite rap artist, Davy Fresh.
Impressive, right? That’s not even comprehensive. And held down my regular 9-5 like a boss. Some folks think this is my full-time gig. Wouldn’t that be nice, to make enough money writing about weed to smoke weed all day! But in the meantime, I got debts to pay, so I’m a worker drone just like you. If you’ve like what I’ve done so far, you’re gonna really dig next year. The Gentleman is going to get back to traveling the wide world of weed in 2017. And it’s likely I’ll be able to get involved in more video stuff. I’ve got all kinds of ideas for cannabis-themed programming that I’d like to feature here.
Look at me, I’m rambling and you need to get back to your family. Yes, you do (just netted another cool twenty, I could do this all day). And so do I. It’s Christmas, after all. But only for a little bit. Because the rest of my Christmas Reset is going to be peace and quiet. I have a pantry ridiculously full of candy and snacks and a delectable assortment of cannabis from my dispensary, Herbal Alternatives. I’m going to see my family for a little while, because I love them, then I’m gonna smoke Moon Rocks, watch the Gilmore Girls reboot, and stuff my face full of cinnamon mini-donuts with my bestest robot pal.
Fritz and I hope you all have a wonderful Holiday, too. Thank you again, DC, for all the love and support.