My last Denver review was quite vicious (but fair, IMO) so it’s important that we balance that out with a glowing review, in this case the excellent Cataract Sky Kush from Harmony your Gentleman plucked for a tremendous value whilst traipsing along Elati St and stumbling into recreational marijuana dispensary Advanced Medical Alternatives. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about my intentions with everyone’s new favorite mountain town!
But, like, a hardcore Bernie-crat took up arms against Congressmen down the street in Alexandria recently and I haven’t said nary a hair yet. This has not been an oversight! I’ve been waiting to calm down and now, I believe, I can yell rationally about the situation.
The first thing I’m going to point out is that Scalise had an A+ rating from the NRA. That shit is more ironic than an Alanis Morissette double album, friend. And then all the hypocritical calls from the Right to ‘turn down the rhetoric.’ Give me a break. I’ve watched Fox News. I’d swear that every time the teleprompter should read the word ‘liberal’ it’s been replaced with a gif ten seconds into Two Girls, One Cup. You gerrymandering fuckheads are governing in secret, actively trying to wreck the economy, the environment, the health of your constituents, and the education of their children. Not to mention cops are just allowed to shoot black folks like, whatever, whenever.
Listen closely. You greedy, animal-masque wearing gaggle of Eyes Wide Shut highbrow perverts are lucky it’s mostly rhetoric so far. Repent, fuckers!
You know what I find funny, though? Republicans are all about stricter law enforcement, harsher sentencing, etc. and yet, their argument for gun ownership is that ‘stricter gun laws won’t keep guns out of the hands of criminals.’ So…being ‘tough on crime’ won’t actually make the streets any safer, is what you’re saying? You’re just powerless against criminals getting guns? Hmm, could that be because, umm, the firearm manufacturers pay your fucking salary, you slimy, short-sighted invertebrates?
Not that I’m against guns! Not at all. I think EVERYONE should have one. Grandmas. Toddlers. Household pets (with the proper modifications, of course). Shoot, pardner, if you don’t think I’m grafting an energy cannon onto my arm the first chance I get, you’re reading the wrong lunatic.
Advanced Medical Alternatives is a standalone store that, other than the signs proclaiming marijuana for sale, looks like it could otherwise house a small accounting firm. We’ll call it Biggles & Rump, because it’s late and I’m feeling a bit silly. The interior of AMA is very well lit and feels spacious enough once you’re in the backroom, a mere chainlink away. The lobby didn’t stand out, but I wasn’t waiting longer than a moment. The budtender was a friendly chap and I enjoyed the chat afforded us by a lack of other customers. As per my usual Denver reviews, I wasn’t happy with the flowers I sniffed. I did pick up a gram of Strawberry Cough for just $10 that smelled faintly of the titular fruit over the typical mountain must I encountered, but it hit harsh. I didn’t particularly enjoy it. I was very pleased that this shop does not prepack their flowers!
Harmony’s Cataract Sky Kush, on the other hand, was easily one of the best concentrates I found during my trip and a bargain at only $32/gram. That’s the same price as the Craft710 which was nice, but kinda tasteless, and less than half of what that horrible Cannabis Maximus garbage sold for at $80/g. My amber wad of Cataract Sky Kush smelled of tropical fruits, just as Harmony’s hashmaker’s note said it would, and I recognized some floral notes besides. These profiles come through a bit muted but still clearly present when dabbed and hits smoother than Jeff Sessions’ stupid bald head. Ha! While it improved my mood, this strain’s main attraction is how well it helps you relax without rendering you couch-locked. If I had to get something done during the daytime, I could have, but it was far easier to kick back and watch terrible cable at the hotel. Ooo, look, Ancient Aliens! At night, the blissful calm proved a wonderful sleep aid.
Your Gentleman was elated with the Harmony shatter he picked up along Elati Street and this product is highly recommended for your visit to Colorado, you jet-setting gang of gossip girls, you. While Advanced Medical Alternatives wasn’t the flashiest shop I stopped at, their execution of the basics- friendly service, ample space, good prices, selection, and lighting- could teach their competitors a thing or two about running a weed store. Also recommended!