Welcome back, my elegant, enraged emus! We know there are lots of lunatics you can read on the internet, and the various conflicts that make up my sad personality-prison are glad you’ve chosen Gentleman Toker. Sweet baby Amy, you could have chosen The Daily Stormer or The National Enquirer or something. Thank goodness you’re here! It’s a shit show out there now that Trump has officially stated that he thinks Nazis are cool peeps and that you’re too dumb to tell the difference between the words “history” and “statue.” We already knew he was racist, of course, he wasn’t exactly hiding it, but I think the time has come where even the most stubborn ostrich has to know there just ain’t enough sand. So we’re gonna get into my review of Herban Remedies, also known as XtraGramSam on DC cannabis gift-finder LeafedIn.org, but I’m not gonna rant about politics. There’s just so much already out there. Y’all know what’s up.
Instead, I have sweet, sweet melodies to share with you! Check out Fejka‘s album Twilight. This ambient EP is soft and chill, like an adobrable baby penguin. I just leave it on repeat all day and enjoy the cool, hypnotic soundscapes over and over. Plus, all the songs are titled after light somehow- Moonlight, Twilight, Ghostlight, so on. GHOSTLIGHT! You’re gonna want to make sure you have some music downloaded to your phone cuz cell service is probably gonna be spotty after the eclipse Monday! I mean, the trans-dimensional quark-load of the invading Dark Elf army is gonna put a helluva strain on probability, so bad news, your WiFi won’t work, but on the flip, I’m pretty sure that means a guerilla band of proto-sorcerers will rise up and become The Resistance and I just know I’m gonna be, like, such a badass at wizarding, you guys, watch.
Sigh. If Monday and its imminent promise of finally being able to hurl bolts of lightning at your enemies seems like, so far away, perhaps I can interest you in some Satellite OG shatter from Herban Remedies in the meantime? This is one time where I think the name is quite apt, as it has my head buzzing with creativity. It’s like the top of my head is open and ideas keep rushing in, demanding access to the keyboard, sending me off on tangents I gotta reel back. The potency is very good. My tolerance to oil is noticeably increasing, but a single dab hit with good strength and twice is even more nice. I’m awake, focused, and with no room left in my brain for anxiety, my mood is elevated nicely. As with most head-buzzy sativas, if I smoke it on little sleep, the heavy buzz is mentally exhausting and requires a night’s stay for the party at yon inn.
Herban Remedies’ Satllite OG has a complex scent profile, a sweet skunkiness with floral flourishes and teensy note of pine. The sweet’n’sour mix makes for a tasty smoke on the inhale. It’s easy on the lungs but you’ll want a tissue handy, it’s gonna help clear your sinuses.The consistency is excellent, it’s just barely started to sugar up so it’s easy to manipulate with my dab tool. Herban Remedies’ shatter is a delightful amber-gold.
I’ve seen folks say dark shatter can be OK, and even found some myself, but I haven’t found any butane flavored golden shatter that I can think of. In the absence of reliable lab testing here in DC, I think it’s smarter to avoid darker concentrate gifts, with the exception of rosin. Those that know the distinctive odor of butane NOTE, I DIDN’T SAY HUFF IT IN THE BASEMENT, CHARLIE are in a position to avoid concentrate that smells like it. Your nose is your first and best line of defense against tainted bud in general. It can smell okay but smoking it, if it tastes bad or really irritates your mouth, nose, or throat, then your nose was wrong. I’ve also never encountered great smelling bud that exhibited terrible flavor or noxious smoke, so the preference is also for enchanting aromas that smell like something you’d eat. Or high-test fucking diesel, vroom vroom! That’s cool, too. Oh, here, why don’t you just read the STATS Guide from Good Chemistry, it’s quick, you’ll be much more knowledgable, and that way I don’t have to explain everything all the time.
Anyway, very pleased with this delivery gift from Herban Remedies/XtraGramSam. You should definitely hit this brand up, these good folks are every bit as generous as the second moniker suggests and they have great shatter, to boot. Be sure to Follow them on Instagram, too. I’m looking forward to checking out their flowers and then coming on the internet to tell you all about them, which I hope is pleasing to our incoming Elven Overlords! Praise be to a long name with half a dozen apostrophes! May his reign PSYCHE, IT’S A FIREBALL BUFFET, BABY, WHO’S HUNGRY! WOOO! This is gonna be so much fun, you guys. Get your glasses ready!