Golden Pineapple Tincture

Happy Labor Day weekend, folks! Autumn is the city’s best season, the constant, beatdown heat and humidity of summer replaced with moderate temps, a cool breeze, and the scent of pineapple in the air… Oh, indeed. Your Gentleman has borne witness to a few watershed moments in the history of Washington DC’s cannabis legalization experiment when a new brand comes online that absolutely changes the game. Today, I have the privilege to share the next great Initiative 71 edibles delivery and event brand with you. This season belongs to the Golden Pineapple.

Golden Pineapple is a female-positive lifestyle brand that incorporates philanthropy, art, & meditation into their love for sharing delicious cannabis edibles. The concept, and Pineapple’s incredible professionalism, can be a bit overwhelming. Let me break it down for you. The ladies behind the Pineapple craft edibles of impeccable quality like the beautiful PB&J macaroon below, most of which start at the normal human dose of 10mg, crafted by an actual pastry chef, and available for delivery. They also host a gamut of fun events with a guided culinary experience, some of which raise money for charity, and some that twist you into a human pretzel for funzies.

The Gentleman attended Golden Pineapple’s MarijuAsana in full knowledge that a yoga class would cause my masque to drop and reveal to the humans present that I am not a mere mortal, but the very incarnation of Inflammation itself! Behold, as I sweat far past what your feeble minds tell you is possible from a person standing still! In fairness, I’ve been injured for months but I just haven’t been bitching about it. Tried everything, CBD salve helps, figured some downward-facing dog might help me fix whatever’s locked in my stupid back making my leg go all tingly. I need, like, Baby’s First Yoga or something, and this was a class for normal, healthy folk that did their best to ignore the gasping, suddenly very wet man softly weeping to himself in the corner. The instructor’s kind words to do what we could and accept where our bodies were at was well received, when I could hear them over the rush of blood in my ears. But it was all worth it to score a fat glass full of their homemade orange-and-habanero juice plus 200mgs of their super-potent tincture.

I first had Golden Pineapple’s tincture at their Movie Night a couple weeks back, one gorgeous evening under the stars at NoMa featuring Talladega Nights and their infused popcorn. I brought the Washingtonian along so they could take pictures of how pretty I am. Teehee. My hostesses asked me how many milligrams they should add to my ginger beer, and institution of badassery that I am, said 200. I hadn’t done any of my typical preparations for edibles testing so I wasn’t sure if I’d feel anything at all. Oh, I felt it. You betcha. And right away. This stuff is amazing. I had to go back for a second cup. Absolutely intoxicating at heavy doses, Golden Pineapple’s tincture is meant to be mixed and had me straight up LIT. I got a bottle to takeaway and tossed it in with my soda late one evening. Still works. I feel happy, my thoughts fuzzy, laughing with ease…this is fantastic medicine. After 400mgs, my eyes get heavy, and I get solid night’s sleep. It’s also strain-specific, you’ll be interested to know. Golden Pineapple really digs hybrids; this tincture is crafted from the classic White Widow.

Listen. If it was possible to invest in Initiative 71 brands, then I would be Mad Moneying the hell out of you right now. Golden Pineapple tincture is super legit. I want ALL OF IT, but I’m trying to be nice and share it with other people. BUT SAVE ME SOME! If you damn buzzards don’t leave me any, I will be the saddest cat meme ever. FYI, a single dropper-full in the current bottle gets you about 5mg, so use that info and your experience to determine your proper dose. Or why not let the Pineapple itself guide you at one of their upcoming events? MarijuAsana is a regular thing twice a week and they’ve also got a full-scale private dinner crab boil and a concert coming up in September! You can find them on the interwebs at www.goldenpineappledc.com and Follow the fun on Instagram, too.