My cuckolded cuckoos, hello again. I can not even begin to describe the sanctity-shredding atrocity this week has been properly. I have been, just, freaking the hell out. Like I just got a wedding invite from the Freys, y’know what I mean? I KNOW THEY’RE DEAD NOW, YOU’RE NOT HELPING!!! OMG, and, Trump vs the NFL. I mean, wow. Look, this is mostly another example of Herr Twitler stirring up trouble to cover for messes he doesn’t want us to look at, but it is certainly working. Personally, I was moved by this week’s demonstrations, and I read all of the statements issued by the teams. No, you can’t possibly quantify my nerdery. But do you know, Dan Snyder was the only one who used his team name twice? Some didn’t even use it once, just saying ‘our organization’ and so on! Like, he really, really wants to associate his blatantly racist team name with inclusivity and unity, you guys, like, so bad. How the McConaughey is a Gentleman supposed to relax with all this going on? Weeeeell, you remember our friends at Xtra Gram Sam, one of DC’s hottest delivery brands, right?
Check out this Purple Punch. Go on, look at it.
Oooh. Sparkly, right? My goodness, Harold. This is top shelf marijuana right here, no question. As soon as I broke the bag, the room filled with a lovely, pungent stank. You better wait til you get home to open the bag or be prepared to break off a nug for your Uber, cuz he’s definitely going to ask for some of that Kush cologne you’re rockin’. Everyone is. Even Berner shouted out the Purple Punch on his live feed from Flower Fest, and that dude is legit famous. I’m psyched Xtra Gram Sam put aside a sample for me!
Purple Punch’s overwhelming aroma is spicy, peppery, which generally means the presence of myrcene, one of my favorite terpenes, which you’d typically associate with the indica effects of couchlock and drowsiness that also provide pain relief and muscle relaxation. I prize functional cannabis that can keep this choochoo moving along my busy little track, but I also love to have some real knockout gas on hand for when it’s time to wind down. I’m far too amped up right now to get anywhere approaching chill, but Xtra Gram Sam’s Purple Punch delivers a potent mood balancer that knocks my stress down to a more manageable level so I can think clearly. Perhaps I don’t need to Carmen Sandiego outta town after all. I’m keeping the fedora and trenchcoat, though, they look fabulous on me.
And of course, what Herban Remedies gift experience would be complete without some of their terrific shatter? This time it’s the John Holmes of weed, XXX OG. No, I’m not including a link, gross. You’re perfectly capable of making your parents ashamed of you on your own, amigo. It’s triple-X cuz it’s Hardcore, get it? Get it? Ah, you get it. That’s right on for the mental effects. After a pleasant, woodsy dab, it’s all frontal lobe head rush, thoughts on rapid fire, but a nice fluffy euphoria to keep you balanced and positive. POSITIVE THEY’RE ALL OUT TO GET ME! Ahem. Don’t mind me, I’m fine. Fine. The XXX rush is definitely invigorating, which makes it a great daytime choice, but probably not if you have to sit through some mind-numbing sales meeting about quotas and margins or whatever else grown-ups talk about once their soul has hollowed inside, I can’t even.
But I can wholeheartedly recommend you speak with Xtra Gram Sam! These folks are bringing All-Star heat like Randy Johnson and you are gonna want an at-bat with that Purple Punch. You can reach them on Instagram (@herban_remedies) or on LeafedIn.