If you’ve been around the DC marijuana event scene long, you already know Kazooted. Their passion for their craft has made them one of the names among the city’s many distinguished edible brands. Their signature truffles are exquisitely artisanal, more like tiny globes depicting the glory of Earth’s Chocolate Age than some mere sweetie. Appropriately, they come in these elegant, simple two-pack boxes that list the main ingredients, specific strain they are infused with, and the potency- 60mg per truffle. They also note that the distillate used to craft these candies hails from Riki Tiki Extracts. The Gentleman could sit and marvel at these beauties, or he could check how the meds work and watch Stranger Things’ sequel. Down the hatch!
Stranger Things 2 was awesome, by the way. They do such an amazing job of evoking everything that was great and wondrous and epic about movies in the 80s, before Hollywood ran out of ideas and sequeled or relaunched everything they had already done, before they realized comic books were a nearly untapped resource, thus creating the current deluge. It wasn’t quite as Damn, Daniel as the first season, but it holds its own, plus did you catch the shoutout to King Mob when Eleven is introduced to the Warehouse Crew? I yelped with nerdish glee to see Morrison’s The Invisibles get a nod, cuz that super-weird mindfuck graphic novel is never gonna see a faithful screen adaptation of the source material. Ok, could be that my enthusiasm was a byproduct of the six Kazooted Infused Truffles I ate first.
I think you’d need a food critic to properly elucidate the incredible combinations of flavors Kazooted employs in these truffles, but a Gentleman shall try. What struck me most about each truffle was the subtlety of the sweetness, which never overwhelmed, each element in perfect balance. The S’mores was my favorite, milk chocolate and graham crackers over the fluffiest marshmallow ganache, but the Cookies’n’Cream was also my favorite, yes I’m allowed to have two favorites. The caramel inside the Chocolate Almond Brittle was sublime, enough to make me forget that I don’t care for almonds or brittle. And in just 12 bites, I had taken in 360mg of cannabis.
I briefly considered taking less, as both Cookies’n’Cream & Chocolate Almond Brittle were made with Skywalker OG, but S’mores was made with Girl Scout Cookies. Since I’m always goin on’ about my tolerance, though, why not push it a bit? Both are listed as hybrids. So many folks are growing GSC that I’ve had results all up & down the sativa/indica line, but Skywalker OG has definitely hit me with the couch-lock in the past and, in fact, this is what happened when I ate all of Kazooted’s truffles. It took an hour, 70 minutes for them to kick in. The bright, relaxed mood quickly gave ground to the heavy body stone and only the lure of resolving cliffhanger endings gave me the will to charge on after that. I made it to the beginning of episode three before slumping off to bed.
That’s not the end of our story! No, I woke up two hours later, craving sugar. Hunger bested inertia, so I got up and had some Fudgey Grahams with a couple swigs of Coke then went back to bed. Five hours later, when I awoke, I was still significantly stoned. I took a couple hits off the bowl and couldn’t even finish it til I returned from my walk, but I’d say it was around six in the evening before the effects of eating six Kazooted infused truffles in one go completely evaporated.
The Gentleman is quite pleased to find another potent edible to recommend to you, my obsequious, orange octopi, let alone one so professionally prepared as Kazooted. These infused truffles are just as suited to your fancy, Deep State bunker parties as they are a satisfying reward in the bubble bath after yet another successful, but always so messy blood-orgy dedicated to your ancient death god. If you want to find out where you can get Kazooted, hit ’em up on Facebook or you can Follow them on Instagram! While novices should go with a much, much lower dose than your favorite psychonaut, they’re so delicious I think I’m gonna have to clear my schedule, eat a baker’s dozen and, presumably, get very, very weird with it. And I’ll get that opportunity soon, as Kazooted will be available at The Space Jam on Tuesday (brought to you by Lucky Puffs Gift Shop).