Nine Pound Hammer (High Qualitea DC)

Today, we’ll look at one of the freshest entrants of the I-71 derby, High Qualitea DC. To get the word out about their organic, free-trade coffee and tea delivery service, they are gifting another highly favored plant along with it, Cannabis sativa. Hooray for everything! I am in such a good mood this morning. Probably cuz I forgot to check the perpetual rage machine and ignored the news. Ahhh. For all I know, Guam got blowed up and WW3 kicked off yesterday. Rage zombies could be running toward my door as we speak. Aliens could have Independence Day’d the White House. We could be at DEFCON 5 radioactive mutant alert and you know what? I don’t care. I’m gonna enjoy my quiet morning ignorance for a bit longer, if you don’t mind, while I sip some High Qualitea and sizzerb. Did I say that right? Sizzerb? We’ll edit this later (Ed: overrun by mutants, send help, aaargh).

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, High Qualitea DC is here with wonderful bouquets of flowers for your boo boo kitty fuck. The website is simple and easy to navigate. Prices for the teas, coffees, and food items are listed along with a number to text for further info regarding flavors of the week, gifts, etc. First up is Nine Pound Hammer. This plant’s reputation as a potent indica precedes it, and the Gentleman has been looking forward to trying it. My samples were mostly popcorn buds, but sported some pretty trichs nonetheless. What really stood out to me about High Qualitea’s flowers were the excellent scent profiles. Nine Pound Hammer has a spicy, peppery scent that indicates a heavy concentration of myrcene, which is the terpene hypothesized responsible for sleep and/or couch-lock. This was definitely my experience. I did a blind taste test not knowing what was in the jar I was smoking and after I put down a jay of this stuff I was crawling back into bed half an hour later…at 9:30am. Damn. If you save it for bedtime, you’ll probably only have to count one sheep. Maybe more, but certainly, a very manageable number of sheep.

Sunset Sherbet, is a fashionable cross between GSC and, appropriately enough for the holiday, Pink Panties. This one was lacking in trichomes, but the scent profile was a lovely cool spice that my brain keeps telling me to call “dill,” but I don’t trust that shifty bastard and you shouldn’t either. How could he possess this information without my knowledge, and why is he only telling me about it now? Next he’s gonna say something smells like coriander, watch. I don’t even know WTF that is! What I can say for certain is that the smoke is very smooth and that spice lends a piquant aftertaste on the exhale. Sunset Sherbet leans decidedly indica. It’s nice for the couch- been catching up on some classic 80s flicks- but trying to get this review done is proving quite a task. I know words, so why can’t I think of any? You there! I’ll take a farthing of your finest letters, arranged syllabically, please. Yeah, this isn’t gonna work for the daytime, either. It isn’t gonna knock you out as fast as the Hammer, it’ll just take your mind on a hot air balloon ride until the atmosphere thins and you pass out like a melodramatic Bachelorette. Well, how else are you gonna get Arie’s attention? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod he’s looking. right. at. me.

Did I mention High Qualitea DC is a female/POC/veteran-owned brand? No, I went on a rant about spices instead? Geez. WTH happened to my editor? Not only can you get some free delicious flowers with your coffee or tea, you can feel good about it, too. I love win/wins, don’t you? Here’s their website again. Now, speaking of winning, we’re gonna kick off another free weed giveaway tomorrow! All you gotta do for your chance to win is hold me close, look deep in my eyes, and whisper that one sweet word, “Subscribe.”  Ooh, I got the chills, baby!