T.I.T.S. X (DC Green Kings)

New I71 delivery brand DC Green Kings mission statement caught the Gentleman’s attention right away:  No Mids. No Shake. Only Top Shelf. Ok, baby, we’ll give it a whirl! Naturally, this premium brand arrives in discreet, professional packaging befitting the high quality gifts within because the real Green King was you all along, you sexy beast, and you deserve the very best. Well, let’s be honest- you probably don’t. You might dress your dog in people clothes, or ride your bicycle in rush-hour traffic, or you and your friends ran over that old man that stumbled into the road after Prom, but since you had all been drinking, and Dirk’s football scholarship, you just kept driving? It’s cool, your secret’s safe with me. I Know What You Did Last Summer But I’m Not Gonna Do Anything Cuz I Don’t Really Care, It’s Whatevs. Here, check out these T.I.T.S. I got my hands on! Wait, I did that wrong, can I go again? No? It’s live? Fine.

So I was thinking on the acronym and it must be This Is The Shit, or This Is That Shit, or This Is That Stuff, if you need to PG13 it. But DC Green Kings has procured no ordinary T.I.T.S., no, these are T.I.T.S. X! As any child of 90s-era Marvel comics knows, putting an X on anything makes it automatically way cooler. Speaking of, INFINITY WAR!!! Oh, I can’t wait. I got a little behind on my Marvel movies, and I knew I’d enjoy watching the culmination more after I caught up, so I’ve been busy. Spider-Man: Homecoming was a lot of fun. Marisa Tomei as the reboot of creaky old Aunt May is kinda weird, cuz Marisa Tomei is super hot, but it’s easy to get on board with, cuz Marisa Tomei is super hot. Also, Michael Keaton as the blue-collar arms dealer Vulture! Thor: Ragnarok was good, too, and I especially enjoyed Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant’s Song playing while the Odinson wades through waves of minions. Picking a favorite scene in Black Panther is tough, I’m gonna go with the war rhinos. King T’Challa’s sister is an absolute scene-stealer, as is Killmonger, and dude in the bright green suit with the lip disc. Absolutely worth hanging out in a dark room with eight strangers for two hours, plus the couple that sat way, way up in the back, so you know what that means. Speaking of! How did I get sidetracked away from T.I.T.S.?

DC Green King’s T.I.T.S. X are (real and) spectacular. My sample arrived as one big, fresh bud cured to perfection, as evidenced by how you can easily press it with your finger and watch it spring back into shape and the stems produce a satisfying snap when broken. The manicure is similarly immaculate, the sugar leaves removed to let us gawk at the gorgeous trichomes and shocks of bright red hairs. The scent profile is sublime and intoxicatingly complex. The sweet floral aroma strikes me first, like jasmine, but there are strong notes of pepper jostling for position, and hints of diesel buried underneath. And it’s a bit sticky, to boot! Easily one of the best flower samples your Gentleman has seen under the auspices of Initiative 71.

The smoke is incredibly smooth and tastes a bit like toast. The potency inspires me to put the jay out at three-quarters, fully medicated. For the first ten minutes, my senses are jacked up and I can feel my heart fast in my chest. Then it switches up and a sudden exhaustion, like leaking psychic Helium, interrupts my ability to cogitate clearly. A quick laydown to clear the fog helps, and if I can resist falling asleep, it evens out nicely after twenty minutes or so, keeping my anxieties quiet, leaving me in a fine mood and able to handle mundane tasks. I guess what I’m trying to say is that T.I.T.S. can be kind of overwhelming. YES! Nailed it. Ha. Haha. Awesome.

Check out DC Green Kings’ website, it’s really easy to find today’s gift selection and contact is straightforward. You can also Follow them on Instagram if you want to see more pictures of their pretty flowers. Oh, and if you want to meet the Gentleman- and who could blame you- don’t miss my appearance at Artifacts Glass Gallery in Frederick this Cinco de Mayo!

Mendo Diesel from DC Green Kings

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