So I waaaaaaas gonna write a third review in a row for my pretty duckies, but we have a more pressing concern, which is that METRC is doing an absolute shit job of maintaining their seed-to-sale tracking system in Maryland, which is required by law for medical marijuana dispensaries to do business. If the dispensary can’t track the sale through METRC, they can not sell you medicine, it’s just that simple. On June 4th, it was widely reported that the system went down for most of the weekend, and at that time your Gentleman counseled folks not to get too worked up over it, as these things happen from time to time everywhere, which is true. But it’s been over a month now and the system is still glitching out on a daily basis, according to my budtender today when METRC failed right after my purchase (and confirmed by a number of text messages I’ve received from shops saying the system was down since the initial interruption- I subscribe to ALL the loyalty programs, naturally). If she had been just a few seconds slower, I would have wasted my time today, so I got lucky. Lots of patients haven’t been. The Gentleman can admit that in this rare case, he was wrong, and as with so many problems we face in 2018, an unrestrained torrent of outrage is the most appropriate course of action.
The first thing I did was call the Maryland Medical Cannabis Commission and ask to whom the Gentleman could direct his complaints. After a brief hold, they said I should contact the Governor, as they don’t handle complaints at MMCC about the program they administrate, which is…ridiculous bureaucratic nonsense. I highly recommend that you call the MMCC and complain about the daily METRC outages anyway. Here’s their number, and a brief script you should feel free to use:
1-844-421-2571 (Press 1 for Patient)
“Hello, my name is [Inigo Montoya] and I am a medical cannabis patient enrolled in your program. I am calling to express my frustration over the constant METRC outages that prevent patients like myself from accessing their medicine. I use medical cannabis to [prevent my gene-spliced transformation into a thirty-foot rampaging war-wolf, thereby ensuring the safety of my fellow citizens]. It is important that I am able to access my medicine in a safe and timely manner to [avoid facing Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson in open combat]. Not only is my access denied and my time wasted due to METRC’s outages, the dispensaries unfairly suffer lost sales while the black market benefits. If the MMCC’s current administration fails to address this issue, the patients are left with no recourse but to seek your replacement with leadership that shares our concern. Thank you for your time.”
See? Civil. You probably thought I was gonna cuss the whole time, but I clean up good when I want to.
You can also copy/paste that into an email, which you can send to firstname.lastname@example.org, or print it on paper and put it in an envelope and remember you don’t have any stamps, why don’t you have any stamps, you had to have bought stamps at some point and never used them, who uses stamps for anything? But then you get some stamps and you put one on the envelope and you stick it in the mail box and that’s how mail works, kids. Here’s where you should address yours:
Maryland Medical Cannabis Commission
849 International Drive, Suite 450
Linthicum, MD 21090
And now that you’ve already lost the remaining stamps, you’re done! AREN’T YOU???
Nope! Cuz we can complain directly to METRC, too, they’re the ones responsible for fixing it, after all. You can use the same script to call them at 1-877-566-6506 and email them at email@example.com. You can harass them on Twitter if you want, too! Wow, just like the President of the United States does! Their Twitter handle is @Official_Metrc. Want more info? Here’s their Maryland-specific webpage.
FYI, DC’s medical program doesn’t run on METRC, which Maryland patients have access to through reciprocity. If you can get to the city, you shouldn’t have any problem accessing medicine. Here’s my guide to the five DC medical dispensaries. Oh! And make sure to sign up for my newsletter today for a chance to win free weed from DC TeaPad tomorrow, yay!