Christmas is right around the corner and you want to know what to get your favorite stoner, cuz nothing ushers in the spirit of the season like some dank from Santa’s sack. That sounds downright naughty when you put it like that, eh? Not to worry, your demented, rejected Shelf Elf is back with another list of which I71 weed gifts in DC made my Noice! List.
But before we get to this week’s recommendations, the standard disclaimer. The Gentleman does not guarantee the safety of any of these products! What I do is judge quality, and hope it means the same thing. Capeesh? Then mangia, mangia, bambinos! You’re far too thin! Does that wife of yours even feed you? Mm-hmm.
The Gummies strain from VIP Clientele’s storefront at 3551 Georgia Ave NW sports a thick coat of trichomes, an elegantly smooth smoke, and a rich, skunky nose. This impressive specimen is certainly going in the Empty Bag Club this week (it was Binging with Babish I was thinking of last time, credit where due!)
Lumpy Farm’s Ben & Berry is a gorgeous cross of Apple Fritter and Reckless Rainbow available from Green Kings & Launchpad DC. An unmistakable berry aroma with a flavorful smoke, I find this strain to enhance my mood and heighten my creativity. I find myself exploring new, cutting edge mediums like other people’s cars cuz, like, what even is property? That’s the question my spray-painted dicks begs of society.
Lava Cake from Heady Club DC has an intense mango aroma with earthy notes. An effortless smoke, the intense focus it provides is quite suitable for daytime use. Use it for crushing your holiday to-do list or, I dunno, hack the Gibson? Cuz they’re tRaShInG our rights man! tRaShInG the flow of data!!! You’re welcome.
GG #4 from Entourage DC is an easy smoke with a classic sour aroma and notes of pepper. It doesn’t cause fatigue as strong as some versions of this strain I’ve found, so its anxiety-quieting & appetite-inducing properties could be utilized during the day. However, I think the intensely relaxed mood is still better saved for the evening…perhaps the boudoir? Happy Birthday Mr. President…
Purple God from Exotic Blooms has a light, creamy aroma with hints of cinnamon, the smoke is easy and smooth, and the high is quiet and chill. Not too overwhelming for daytime if you bring along a coffee chaser, but better for hanging ten on the couch before you go to sleep. There’s that new Alien Worlds show on Netflix…
And here’s some more recent winners that are still available!
- Gary Payton from Royale Dankness
- LAX from Launchpad DC
- Grease Monkey, Play Doh Cake, & Pink Skywalker from Exotic Blooms
- Slurricane from District Connect
- Hippie Crashers & Sunset Sundae Sherbert from DC TeaPad
- Glookies from Exotic Organics
We are adding one new approved edible to the list this week, CannaBurst Gummies. They tested effective for me at 150mg, as I started falling asleep hours ahead of schedule. Seasoned heads are going to lean heavy on dosage, but substantially lower (like 50mg, a single gummy) should suffice for the casual consumer. This sample came from Exotic Blooms, but I’ve seen them on the menus of Bagged Buds and VIP Clientele recently.
Previous winners currently available include:
- Puff Kings‘ line of in-house edibles, especially their Gummies
- THC Drops from Baked DC
- Street Lawyer Services‘ Truffles & Baghead Boys Gummies
- Tastebud DC Lemonade & Georgetown Kush Cakes Truffles (available at Green Kings)
- Noob Gummies from Exotic Organics
- Select Co-Op’s Boom Bars & Belgian Chocobites
- District Connect’s Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
- MOTA brand edibles, available at Baked DC, Street Lawyer Services, and Bagged Buds (especially the Fruity Krispy Treats)
Bagged Buds has some classic Afghani brick hash in this week that I can heartily recommend. You don’t see the old school stuff around much these days! This throwback crumbles easily, has a rich, earthy flavor, and is guaranteed to get you back on Uncle Jim’s good side, even after the terrible things you said to Aunt Edna at Thanksgiving- maybe even his will! Mmm, better get two.
Previous winners that are currently available include:
- TODEM Hash Rosin from Green Kings
- Select Co-Op’s THCa Crystalline
- Next Level Pre-rolls from Peace in the Air & Gifted Curators
- Exotic Blooms‘ Apricot Jelly Live Resin
No new winners to announce yet but I’m doing my due diligence on a distillate cart that looks promising. Here’s the current list of folks that use my recommended local CO2 extraction team:
This week we’re approving the Galaxy Clusters chocolate shroom bars from Green Kings. I’m gonna level with you, it tastes like chalky chocolate and shrooms. But hot diggity dog, the potency is incredible. Thirty minutes after eating three pieces of this strain-specific Lion’s Mane candy I realized I had bitten off more than I had intended. No worries, buckaroo- this ain’t the Gentleman’s first rodeo.
Classic geometric tessellations and intense light fluctuations set my feet back upon the Fool’s Path. The intensity pushed me towards the abyss, but I was pulled back by a profound recognition of the love, warmth, and happiness around me, then went inside and watched Letterkenny and laughed until I was literally crying. I met the Sky Spiders, of course, but experienced psychonauts know the best strategy is to merely acknowledge their existence and leave them to their star-spinning, lest we draw their macabre attentions.
All in all, highly recommend. But maybe start with just one or two pieces. And remember to mind your manners in the face of the infinite, oh Child of Time. Ah, but you’ll have to wait- they’ll be back in later this week. Also, I forgot to get a photo. Whoops.