Street Lawyer Services has come up with the best gimmick the Gentleman has seen since I71 legalized cannabis possession and gifting in our favorite District. SLS is the marketing arm for Lonny Bramzon, a criminal defense attorney that serves DC, Maryland, and Virginia, but you might know him better as Lonny the Street Lawyer from the Klinger show on DC101. They’ve got a storefront in the hip H Street neighborhood where you can buy vouchers for discounted legal services at Mr. Bramzon’s law firm and accept an optional gift of weed for free (currently offering delivery only).
Not only is it totes legit as far as this layman can see, but collecting vouchers for legal services would sure come in handy in a number of purely hypothetical situations. Say you’ve been breeding genetically perfect clones of yourself with hyperviolent dispositions in vats down in the basement. And, through no fault of your own, of course, they, uh, have escaped and are…oh, how to describe it? Rampaging. Yes. They’re rampaging right now. Umm…hypothetically.
Street Lawyer Services’ website is bright and sleek with an up-to-date menu of cannabis gifts. I appreciate that they’ve come up with their own colorful art for each strain they offer, rather than copying Leafly’s periodic table graphics that have become commonplace. In fact, you can buy some really freakin’ cool strain shirts when the store is open, like this OG Kush one here.
The Gentleman procured a batch of the Cheesecake flowers from Street Lawyer Services for review. The eye is immediately drawn to the thick layer of trichomes. Set against the deep green buds, they look like tiny, oh so smokable Christmas trees. This strain is gonna drop plenty kief down your grinder. Well done on the manicure job here. Density is similarly perfect, firm but easy to work with. A little dry, but that’s nothing to get soggy about, as the overall bag appeal is fan-fucking-tastic.
Cheesecake has an enticing aroma that’s half light cream, half Diesel-esque sour, with subtle floral notes. These hold strong in the smooth, clean smoke, leaving a light aftertaste after each pull. All those pretty crystals predictably create a smoke heavy enough to cause coughing if I take too big of a hit, so best enjoyed in smaller puffs. Overall, Street Lawyer’s Cheesecake is superb marijuana. Color the Gentleman impressed.
Helpfully, Street Lawyer has provided strain info on their website. Cheesecake is an indica cross between the classic indica Blueberry and UK staple Cheese. That all checks out with me. A bowlful and my mind drifts out of this dimension to the plane of pure Thought theorized by ancient Greek philosophers, a place where the puzzles of life are sized, stacked, and sorted. I drift through this aether with the deft grace of a ballerina, a Wizard of Ways, effortlessly tying logistical threads into neat knots.
Music is the preferred accompaniment to heavy thinking, of course. I wouldn’t recommend it for socializing unless your friends are rudimentary coconut dolls, cuz you’ll be too far in your own head. But if you’ve been telling yourself you’ll “figure x out later,” then Now is the Time, and Cheesecake from Street Lawyer Services the Key. You must go, my Apprentice! The clones approach. Makes lightsaber noises til you leave.
BONUS TIP! Their Magic Chocolate Truffles (made by Georgetown Kush Cakes) are for serious. If you’re looking for edibles, I can highly recommend these, too.