Going Down Swinging

If you had the chance to stop the tobacco industry before they got everyone unknowingly addicted to their products, you would, wouldn’t you?

If you could have raised the alarm on the over-prescription of opioids before they turned our brothers and sisters into dull-eyed zombies, you would have, right?

I’m not arrogant enough to think that I can stop the wave of commercial cannabis simply by walking away, but I had to do something, and this is the last card in my deck.

I tried to warn y’all about the fake vape carts for months. I tried to warn the gifting brands about ’em, too. It wasn’t enough. Nobody cared. People believed dope boys over me cuz people strongly prefer to hear what they want over the truth.

And now that people are getting sick, people are dying, all I hear is whataboutisms and greed. FUCK THAT.

If you’re more upset, getting all up in your feelings and social media comments about the shit I said to the Washingtonian, but not for every person that got sick, not for every person that has died, THEN YOU ARE EXACTLY THE REASON I SAID I’M ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTED WITH THE INDUSTRY. Y’all need Jesus /fans self.

Sure, the blame for this illness is falling square onto fake vape carts. But I think the problem extends into the green market. I’ve been everywhere but Alaska and smoked a ton. For every good product I found, there were another 10 that ranged from meh to gross, with vape carts being the number one offender for suckage.

But it’s gonna go further than that. A few months ago, I coughed up blood for the first time after a dab. I rarely vape carts or even smoke flower outside of reviews. I couldn’t be sure it was blood at first because of what I’d had to eat or drink earlier that day. But a couple weeks ago I was able to confirm for certain.

I quit dabbing immediately and within a week, my lungs were doing much better. They didn’t sound as wet when I breathed. I wasn’t projectile hacking up chunks of phlegm across the room with no warning. And I haven’t seen any blood since.

I’ve mostly- like 90%- been dabbing extract from legit medical and recreational dispensaries, and have the receipts to prove it, of course. I don’t get many dabs from I71 these days.

And so I’ve come to the natural conclusion that there are health issues associated with marijuana concentrates, too. I think the problem goes even further. So many of the flowers I find are substandard. You can’t convince me that it’s all Kool & the Gang to smoke flowers that reek of ammonia cuz the plants weren’t flushed or must and sweat cuz they weren’t cured properly. And then any problems with them get amplified when the oil is extracted. Commercial cannabis uses distillate to make edibles instead of flower, so the problem is everywhere.

Do I still believe in medical marijuana? I do, but not in the hands of commercial cannabis or the black market. Most of the people in charge of BOTH MARKETS have no idea what they’re doing and won’t stop as long as it keeps selling.

The only thing left to do is remove my platform, which I don’t mind doing. When I started this, I expected a whole lot more “these schnozberries taste like schnozberries” than having to scream “Y’ALL NEED TO FLUSH YOUR MF PLANTS!!!” at everyone. Running around finding shitty weed everywhere sucks and I’m done being a human guinea pig for a substance that’s being grown in harmful manner. I don’t hate myself that much.

I could get into the details more, and probably will soon, but I have no illusions that it’ll actually change anything. If my words had that kind of impact, DC would have dropped those fake carts months ago and customers would stop asking for ’em. But that didn’t happen.

I thank y’all from the bottom of my heart for your support these past three years. It has been an overwhelming experience to be your guide to weed. I’m grateful for this unique opportunity.

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. I was supposed to be waving deuces from my yacht while a monkey in a butler outfit poured drinks, but alas. Que sera, mijos. Que sera.

If you’re one of the people that actually considers themselves a fan of yours truly (“There are dozens of us!”), then try hitting the site up in a day or two. To paraphrase Office Space’s Michael Bolton, I don’t have to stop writing just cuz the weed industry sucks.

But if you’re only here for the weed, I’m afraid you’ll need to look elsewhere. Feel free to unsubscribe. The next newsletter you get will be a horse of a different color, indeed.

EDIT: I figured out what else I could do. Stay tuned, baby!