Red Poison (Tha Green Bandit)

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It’s good to reach out to your roots from time to time.  When it comes to the Mass Roots app, you’ll find a chill  community of fellow cannabis enthusiasts here in the DMV and across the globe.  At first, it was difficult for me to enjoy the local feed with all the (usually) new users posting for help finding medicine and getting few responses.  I couldn’t stand by helpless and watch others’ Struggle any longer.  Now that I’ve written a handy guide to help folks find weed on their own, though, I post my link to new folks and enjoy the rest.

That’s how I found another awesome, local reviewer who goes by BuddyCrocker420 on there.  Her enthusiastic mix of prose & emoji of ThaGreenBandit’s Red Poison caught my attention and I wanted to feature it here, but Life is Complicated Sometimes, Billy.  So the Gentleman’s electric pen will have to suffice this time, but I definitely recommend you check out her feed.

Color is a funny thing.  The dudes in white coats have looked into it and say positively that women detect a finer degree of shades then men.  So it may in fact be cherry-hued as the fairer sex claims, but to my eye, this bud is straight-up, shockingly purple.

The cure is perfection.  It gives just enough when you press it with your finger and springs right back. It has a complex scent profile, like dark berries and freshly-turned soil, but I’ll again yield to the superior female nose and mention the honeysuckle undertones I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.  The substantial bud smoked like silk through my glass spoon pipe- so smooth, I found myself taking bigger hits than I had lungs for!  An easy, self-correcting “problem” with top-shelf cannabis I’ll take any day.

Red Poison offers an uplifting, mentally-stimulating experience.  Thoughts came to me with good clarity, calm and orderly as they queued to present themselves at the Department of Ego.  Plans were made efficiently, the paths forward plotted with ease.  An overall contentment and acceptance of my situation quelled any concerns, but for this same reason I think this strain is better medicine for the early evening than daytime, when you need to be sharp.  That’s it, in fact- this is a perfect Happy Hour weed.  You know, for whenever the DC government lifts the Social Use Ban and we can finally have establishments for us to meet and get to know each other over a joint or dab.

When you and I run into each other in the future at a nice, classy cannabis cafe here in the Nation’s Capital, I will gladly suggest we burn a jay of ThaGreenBandit’s Red Poison as we engage in a spirited, rumor-fueled debate about whether the growing, grey cloud of nanobots razing the Midwest spells the end for our benevolent Zorak overlords.  Oh, sure, they proved their mastery of quantumystic S/T aggro-tech when they arrived and shut down CERN before we inverted our Poles, but I say you Always Bet On Goo.

Oh, crap, cannabis cafes can’t be that far off.  How’d my Time Machine break?

The Time Machine is just broken, right, Fritz?

Dammit, Fritz, wipe that stupid grin off your face and help me fix her, you horny old robot.