The Gentleman has compiled your most Frequently Asked Questions into a helpful, supplementary guide. Here, feast your eyeholes on these babies!
Will they deliver to my hotel? Yes!
How long is my delivery going to take? Usually anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours. DC’s kind of a small city so it doesn’t really matter where you are, everybody’s gotta fight the same traffic to get to you. And have you seen these potholes? More like pot, uhhh…holes. Crap, I’m stoned. Everybody delivers pretty much anywhere that isn’t federal property or east of the Anacostia River. I can’t answer questions about pickup locations for obvious reasons.
Pick-ups vs delivery? Most services that do pick-ups require appointments, so it’s not necessarily faster than delivery, but you might get lucky! Of course, setting an appointment in advance is a great way to minimize your time getting weed and maximizing your time smoking weed, so it does pay to be organized…
The gift weed delivery service wants me to send them a photo of my ID first? Lots of brands do this for age verification and their own security. It’s a fairly standard request. Trust, as they say, is a two-way sex dungeon. Wait, what?
Who’s got the best/strongest weed in DC? The gifts available from most weed delivery services in DC change frequently, sometimes even daily, which is why I feature one almost every day on my Now Available page from one of the brands I have personally vetted for consistent quality and professional service over the last…geez, almost three years now. Before that, I spent eight years making my living by approving and managing vendors for outside work, so you could say I have some previous experience at this sort of thing. I also care a lot- like, neurotically so- about what weed earns the Gentleman’s approval. FYI, THC percentage for flowers doesn’t matter that much past a certain threshold in my opinion.
But I need that medical-grade weed! That’s not really a thing outside of California fifteen years ago, Mr. Duchovny. There’s no difference in quality or potency between recreational/adult-use and medical cannabis. Sorry to burst your bubble.
That premium indoor! More sparkly trichomes equate to higher potency than outdoor or greenhouse grade marijuana, but Indoor doesn’t necessarily translate to “quality.”
That AAA weed! Do I have to call security?
I’m looking for a specific ratio of CBD:THC. Then you need a medical card. CBD flowers from DC gift marijuana delivery services or pop-ups are pretty rare. If you’re not a resident and a card isn’t an option, then your best bet is to put your science hat on and mix up the usual THC with readily available CBD-only products to figure out a combo that works for you.
Is DC weed lab-tested? Sometimes. Steep Hill has a local office to test for cannabinoids, but still not bacteria/microbials AFAIK. Look, I can point to some lab-tested weed on Maryland medical marijuana shelves for months- months!– after it was reported that the grower had used unlicensed pesticides, or I could just paraphrase Tommy Boy and explain that I can write lab-tested on a box but that won’t make it good weed.
What about the pop-up events? They’ve been getting raided by DC’s Metropolitan Police Department with regular frequency since late ’17. That makes me nervous about attending or advising you on where to go. I try to avoid dramatic scenes with armed gunmen as a general life rule.
Does anyone still take credit cards? Few and far between these days. Scammers figured out they could argue the charge of their I71 purchases and get their money back. Once the payment processor got a chargeback request, though, they started going thru the brand’s account, saw what was going on, and kicked ’em off after freezing their funds. Some lost thousands of dollars this way and that’s why we can’t get airline miles for smoking weed anymore. Sigh. Now it’s mostly cash, but some take cryptocurrency and some take app payments.
Why don’t you allow comments on your site? Do you want ants? Because that’s how you get ants!
Ok, what about a poll? Show of hands, who doesn’t know how to change their IP address? Right, cool, hands down. Put your hand down, mom, you’re embarrassing me in front of my friends.
Well…can we cyber-bully you, at least? I’m not getting back on social media until I get a signed, personal, heartfelt apology from Mr. Zuckerberg and Co for selling our data to Russian troll farms. But I’d be willing to schedule some time to stand in the park where you can gather and throw stones at me. I’d probably get off on it, TBH, at least until I get a concussion. Am I a real football player now, Daddy?
But I have a complaint! I investigate all complaints.
Sticky Monkey? Classic Cookies? Mint Cookies? I don’t think it’s a good idea to use other company’s IP especially when they’ve sued dispensaries to stop and I think using abbreviations or FKA is…well, if you’ll forgive me saying so, obtuse, especially when they’re trademarks for products aimed at kids. So I’ve renamed some popular strains that come up often.
Can you do that? I’m a genius. Of course I can. And I’m probably gonna change some others, too, like Green Crack. Terrible optics. How’s Green Fiend strike you? Yeah, not much better. Green Fairy! Ha, nailed it. Someone should pay me for this.
So what makes you qualified to sit on your cloud passing judgment on all the companies trying to make a go of legalization? I may not be a smart man, Jenny, but I know my weed shouldn’t smell like [CENSORED] I know it shouldn’t taste like [CENSORED]- neither of which is caught by lab testing, by the by- and I know it shouldn’t cost 2-4x what it costs for the same thing in other states.
I want to know why you’re so nice to DC companies and a prime-time jerkface to everyone else? I see, Marquis de Fantallier rules then? First of all, no, I’m not. I am enthusiastic about the products I like, ambivalent towards the ones that are ok, and a prime-time jerkface about the ones I hate. So jot that down. But “DC only gets good reviews” cuz it’s in a gray market, which means I require the brand’s permission to post about it, which they’ll only give if it’s a good review, obvi, which means it has to meet my personal standards cuz if I say bad weed is good the devil will make me smoke it forever in hell like Homer’s donut machine. But if I can walk into a store and buy your product off the shelf, I don’t need permission to write about it. Besides, I’ve found plenty of good gift weed delivery services in DC for you to choose from. Speaking of!
Do your gifts have what it takes to be featured on GentlemanToker.com?
I’m the pickiest little pillow princess! I don’t promote marijuana that produces an acrid smoke that irritates the mouth or throat or that smells like Ammonia, Hay, Must, Grass, Sweat, Chemicals, or has No Smell at all. If you think you can pass that bar, contact me here and we’ll schedule an evaluation of your flowers.
Any other questions? Go ahead and shoot, hoss! The Gentleman’s discretion is assured.